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As a child I was abnormally strong. I was walking at eight months and soon after that climbing and lifting things I shouldn’t be able to. My parents had all sorts of trouble with me as I had a normal child’s intellect and understanding, but the strength which was significantly stronger than my peers. By the age of six I could lift an adult from the ground and by my mid-teens I could beat most adults at arm wrestling.
As part of my on-going mission to redefine myself as someone living in spite of CRPS, I have had to examine and challenge many of my core beliefs. Among these is a self-image based perhaps too heavily on my physical abilities. Having had that prowess removed so abruptly, my self-image was effectively destroyed.
I wrote the poem ‘Early Memories UK IV’, intending it to be another of my early memories series. Having written it I realised that worse than my ego being destroyed; it had actually fallen below the zero of destruction into a bracket which I always had a problem understanding or even liking. This realisation has helped me to understand part of the self-loathing I have been living with since the accident. In effect what I am saying is that my poetry has, once again, helped me to take a step forward.
As for the poem; the event it relates is true; having discussed it with my mother she remembers the teacher being somewhat shocked. I hope you it;
Early Memories UK IV
My teacher needed to move the piano,
she asked the class to help her
but by the time they were ready
I had put it in the corner.
She couldn’t come to terms
with a five year old so strong,
but to my mind, an adult so weak?
it just seemed; so ........... wrong!
John Carré Buchanan
05 February 2012
