Popular Posts

My Blog List

  • = - Moves, they are just distractions Eyes, only pools of lies Souls, remain lost eternal Truth, is when someone dies Tears, tell of how we suffer Breathe, ...
    1 hour ago
  • WAITING FOR THE MUSE - Like most creative writers I experience periods of despondency when I become convinced that I will never again write anything of consequence and that wha...
    9 hours ago
  • Poetry Pantry #372 - *Photos Taken Along the Bay Trailby Bekkie Sanchez* *A lone century plant blooms amongst the anise (or fennel.) These do not grow along the Bay Tail but...
    14 hours ago
  • Remembering Fred (Fred Williamson 1941 - 2017) - John Carré Buchanan - Fred wrote of very simple things The things he'd seen, places he'd been Monkeys dancing in the trees Dolphins, sunsets, a cool breeze He looked to be a fra...
    19 hours ago
  • Reapers Wall - Written to: *Fireblossom Friday writing challenge "The Distorted Lens"* *follow this link for more details Imaginary Gardens* Reapers Wall Today started cr...
    1 day ago
  • Lost in Time - I smiled this morning as I watched Roy, my only son, lope down the drive, his grandfather's jaw, laughing dark eyes and hair receding already at thirty-six...
    1 week ago
  • Rainy September - I'll survive Rainy September in Japan A can of cold coffee Warming up in my pocket
    1 week ago
  • Transformed - *Transformed* *I hold on in my sleep* *clenched fists* *awakening with aching fingers* *empty hands...* *"It hurts, it hurts, it hurts," * *I think to ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Under the Weather - On the radio today, there was a discussion about conversation starters with strangers. The 'expert' said that people in the UK often talk about the weather...
    2 weeks ago
  • This Job, Not That Job - *What I'm reading: The Trouble with Goats and Sheep by Joanna Cannon* *What I'm listening to: Incomplete by James Bay* Isn't it fun to spend your birthday ...
    1 year ago
  • So Much Green - In the past, I have always visited Horizon in the South African winter, when the reserve is a tapestry of browns, interspersed with vivid splashes of gre...
    1 year ago
  • ... gloriously exciting! - There is something gloriously exciting about anticipating ones next Chad assignment, sitting in the back of the relative comfort of seat 34J, the the dron...
    3 years ago
  • Time-Out - Every now and again in life we come across a bump or hurdle. It can come in our relationships, our finances or as in my case, health. Right now I've been...
    3 years ago
  • thumbs up - it was a battle. looking back i don't think we ever had a chance, but you don't just give up on a young man in the prime of his life. we had to try. he ...
    3 years ago

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Conversion

Image Source:

There is no real need to introduce this poem, save to say that it describes one of the most ridiculous things that ever happened to me. I would love to know what the person who sewed the suit together was smoking when they did it. This really did happen.

Conversion

There was to be a big parade
I had to look my best
So I broke out my service dress
Sam brown and all the rest.

I only had temperate kit
Tropical would be needed
So I went to the quarter master
And for a cool suit pleaded.

He told that me they were ‘dues out’
They'd have to make to measure
This was very good news to me
for it would look a pleasure

I waited through the summer hot
and then the winter too
I chased them up regularly
as my impatience grew

Two whole years later my phone rang
The store man had good news
My tailor made service dress
At last I could peruse

I jumped on to my bicycle
and pedalled to the store
The apologetic store man
greeted me at the door.

He showed me to the fitting room
Where the suit was in a box
I stripped and took the trousers out
and then I got a shock

Quickly I took the jacket out
to check it was the same
T’was over twice the size of me;
and I'm not slight of frame.

Now Nine foot two’s a mighty chest
for any human being
and a six foot five inside leg
The tailor must be dreaming

‘Have you lost weight’, the tailor asked
as I stepped through the door
‘and eight foot eight in height’, I said
as he went red and swore.

In UK they use feet and inches
in Cyprus it’s not the same
They use little centimetres
The difference is to blame

Surely the person who made it
Must have thought it too long
For a fourteen foot tall soldier
Well…… it’s just wrong.

John Carré Buchanan
19 January 2013

4 comments:

  1. You must have been totally narked after waiting all that time! I'm tempted to offer the comment, "You just can't get good help these days." – especially in the army from what I've heard! (Certainly, my Dad, my Grandad and several uncles had a few stories that would make your hair curl vis a vis army blunders. That would have made a good MASH episode.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrew, Thanks for your comment, I must admit I was a bit fed up. As it turned out I got another one made fairly quickly, but my 3 year tour was almost over and I never got to wear it.

      Delete
  2. If only you had kept the uniform!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would be able to use it when the family go camping.... as a tent.

      Delete

I really appreciate constructive feedback. If you are able to comment it would be most grateful.