Saturday, 19 January 2013

Conversion

Image Source:

There is no real need to introduce this poem, save to say that it describes one of the most ridiculous things that ever happened to me. I would love to know what the person who sewed the suit together was smoking when they did it. This really did happen.

Conversion

There was to be a big parade
I had to look my best
So I broke out my service dress
Sam brown and all the rest.

I only had temperate kit
Tropical would be needed
So I went to the quarter master
And for a cool suit pleaded.

He told that me they were ‘dues out’
They'd have to make to measure
This was very good news to me
for it would look a pleasure

I waited through the summer hot
and then the winter too
I chased them up regularly
as my impatience grew

Two whole years later my phone rang
The store man had good news
My tailor made service dress
At last I could peruse

I jumped on to my bicycle
and pedalled to the store
The apologetic store man
greeted me at the door.

He showed me to the fitting room
Where the suit was in a box
I stripped and took the trousers out
and then I got a shock

Quickly I took the jacket out
to check it was the same
T’was over twice the size of me;
and I'm not slight of frame.

Now Nine foot two’s a mighty chest
for any human being
and a six foot five inside leg
The tailor must be dreaming

‘Have you lost weight’, the tailor asked
as I stepped through the door
‘and eight foot eight in height’, I said
as he went red and swore.

In UK they use feet and inches
in Cyprus it’s not the same
They use little centimetres
The difference is to blame

Surely the person who made it
Must have thought it too long
For a fourteen foot tall soldier
Well…… it’s just wrong.

John Carré Buchanan
19 January 2013

4 comments:

  1. You must have been totally narked after waiting all that time! I'm tempted to offer the comment, "You just can't get good help these days." – especially in the army from what I've heard! (Certainly, my Dad, my Grandad and several uncles had a few stories that would make your hair curl vis a vis army blunders. That would have made a good MASH episode.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrew, Thanks for your comment, I must admit I was a bit fed up. As it turned out I got another one made fairly quickly, but my 3 year tour was almost over and I never got to wear it.

      Delete
  2. If only you had kept the uniform!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would be able to use it when the family go camping.... as a tent.

      Delete

I really appreciate constructive feedback. If you are able to comment it would be most grateful.

Visitors






Free counters!



Popular Posts

Blogs I Enjoy Following

  • Freedom Road - Ian Duquemin - I walked along a country road Where I met an unknown friend He'd travelled many, many miles His journey had no end I said "I'd like to join you... Just nod i...
    1 day ago
  • READ ALL ABOUT IT! - Click *here* to read about the *Stone Witness* book launch by Blue Ormer Publishing. Photo by Ciprian Ilie Back from sunny *Rapallo*, I'm pleased to di...
    1 day ago
  • Here is the question - *Conspiracy Theory:* a truth, in theory? or, a practical lie? a theory in truth? or, a lie, in practice? a mechanism to hide behind, to apportion anonymou...
    1 week ago
  • Deathly Silence - A black rose wilted, took a bow, then died The breeze held its breath............ (All was still)........... Till it sighed Petals fell like feathers to t...
    1 week ago
  • This Half Lived Life... - Every time I feel the need to push, I find I feel you pull This half lived life of mine now seems so strangely full Most of my future is now well behind me ...
    4 weeks ago
  • Memories - I remember after moving here, all the family loved to visit. It was the place to make memories. Paddling in the river. Feeding the ducks. Watching the lam...
    1 month ago
  • Kentucky Racial Tension - No racial tension In Lexington Kentucky Just tense & intense races Black & white race Cat & rat race Foot Ford train & plane race I am lost amidst this
    2 months ago
  • Stop, Drop, and Roll - *I didn't realize how long it has been since I have been here to write* *Change often seems to create a sense of suspended animation* *where the outer wor...
    5 months ago
  • This Job, Not That Job - *What I'm reading: The Trouble with Goats and Sheep by Joanna Cannon* *What I'm listening to: Incomplete by James Bay* Isn't it fun to spend your birthday ...
    10 months ago
  • ... gloriously exciting! - There is something gloriously exciting about anticipating ones next Chad assignment, sitting in the back of the relative comfort of seat 34J, the the dron...
    2 years ago
  • Time-Out - Every now and again in life we come across a bump or hurdle. It can come in our relationships, our finances or as in my case, health. Right now I've been...
    3 years ago
  • thumbs up - it was a battle. looking back i don't think we ever had a chance, but you don't just give up on a young man in the prime of his life. we had to try. he ...
    3 years ago