Thursday, 11 April 2013

Cloud Busting

Image Source: Mike Malaska & John Buchanan

This is a game I used to play with my children when I wanted some peace and quiet on a sunny afternoon. It basically utilised the facts that clouds tend to form and dissolve in roughly the same places, a fact that the kids did not seem to pick up on;-)

Cloud Busting

Lying in the meadow, green grass all around,
up above the Sapphire sky smiles down.
Amidst the grass a myriad of pastel blooms shine.
Despite their beauty my mind is fixed
on the soft white clouds which drift in the sky above.

Small clouds, vaguely reminiscent of cotton balls
drift from West to East
then somewhere out above the sea
fade into oblivion,
leaving a clear blue sky.

Beside me my children lie aghast,
their father has done it again.
I set them a new challenge
pointing at a small puff of cloud
I say “that one”.

Their eyes screw up with concentration
as they centre the thoughts on dissolving the cloud.
I tell them again and again;
“the trick is not to remove the cloud
but to imagine the sky without it”.

Just before the cloud drifts into the area
where they have been disappearing all afternoon.
I say “let me show you again?”
They gasp with frustration as another cloud
melts into nothingness.

I close my eyes, and lie back
to enjoy the silence.
As two children gaze intently at the sky
and practice cloud busting
oblivious to the smile on their father’s face.

John Carré Buchanan
11 April 2013

2 comments:

  1. Lovely poem, touching. There are a couple of minor mistakes (one grammatical, one where a word is out of place) that interrupt the smooth flow. (Should either read: sapphire sky smiles down or sapphire skies smile down in the second line; stanza five line 4, there is a "you" there that doesn't belong.) Apologies for pointing those out, but you did ask for constructive criticism, and I personally found that they interrupted the flow of what was otherwise an excellent poem.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andy, Thanks for your kind words and for pointing out my errors. I was obviously slacking when I posted the poem.

      Delete

I really appreciate constructive feedback. If you are able to comment it would be most grateful.

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