Thursday, 31 May 2012

Demons Vs Love


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During the last couple of months I have been using a tricyclic antidepressant which has been shown to have an analgesic effect for some chronic pain sufferers. Unfortunately in my case the drug did not have the desired effect and changed my already dismal sleep pattern making me slip into sleep at irregular intervals both day and night.

The nocturnal snoozes became a real issue for me as I found that when I woke in pain I was incredibly difficult to gain control of harmful thoughts and prevent the inevitable slip into a dangerously depressive state.

During this period I spent most nights racked in pain, unable to sleep, fighting horrendous thoughts; thoughts I took to see as ‘demons’. Fortunately during the days I had the support of family and friends. This allowed be to recharge my emotional batteries sufficiently to survive the following night.

This poem aims to describe my feelings during this period and also show the importance of both faith and love in the healing process. I dedicate it to my Family and Friends who have had and continue to have, my back since this ordeal began.

Demons Vs Love

Curtains have closed,
teeth have been brushed,
Goodnight kisses shared.
The house falls quiet,
now it’s time:
demon time.

Now there are no distractions.
one mind stands alone
protected by thought.
Demons rage wildly;
fuelled by pain
and a burning desire for freedom.

Rational thought crumbles
as demons swarm over it.
Anger, grief, guilt, loss, despair;
they’re all there like rats and they
scurry and gnaw at the fabric
of the thought shield.

Counterpoint after counterpoint
are rebuffed and defeated.
The organised mind is shredded.
Every tear produces new edges
which cut and grate the soul
until it begs for release.

Night after sleepless Night
the exhausted mind
struggles to repel demons.
Day after day
cracks in the shield
are repaired by their love.

John Carré Buchanan
31 May 2012

8 comments:

  1. hi john just read your demon poem. Found it to be very thoughtful and also some of it I can relate to the dark places our mind can go when deoressed.

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    1. Hi Mark, Good to see you've found my blog, thanks for writing on it. I hope that some of the ideas on my other poems such as The Pebble and Truths are of use to you if you ever feel the same.

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  2. That sounds like real torment, John. Really hope you can get it sorted.

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    1. Thank you Jakill, I'm reliably informed that it is unlikely to be cured, in fact it continues to worsen, but my ability to live with it is supposed to improve. I guess that is where the prayers come in. Once again thanks for your kind comment.

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  3. Hi John,
    That's one of the side effects NOT to put up with. Seriously, get your doctor to change the meds for something else. A different type of antidepressant could work effectively(or kind of) without having to deal with the demons. I am on two antidepressants and I have been for a long time now. No feelings like that. Something else could help you better. Take care, Liz

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    1. Liz, Great minds think alike. I have stopped taking the new drug and reverted to the position I was in before things took a turn for the worse. I had a few bad days coming off it, but things seem to be on the up now.
      The key take away point for me is; Be prepared to try new approaches to medication, but be mindful of the effects, (both intentional and unintentional) and with the help of your doctor be prepared to revert if the overall change is not positive.
      Thanks for your support, it is really appreciated.

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I really appreciate constructive feedback. If you are able to comment it would be most grateful.