Boxes

Watching the Invictus Games I was inspired by the stories of incredible people who have experienced and continue to experience, horrendous pain and suffering with such determination and dignity.

I have my own challenges, we all do, but listening to the testimonies made by people with PTSD and other invisible injuries spurred me on to write the following poem. I can’t advocate this approach, but it is the approach I used until I realised that I was using cardboard boxes, and they crumble with age. At that point I talked, and found hope…
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Boxes

Sometimes,
Just occasionally,
a scent,
a shadow in the periphery
let's slip a memory
that leaves me stunned.
Numbed.

Pandora had one box,
I have many;
rubble,
teachers - predators,
torture, beatings, burnt feet,
silent screams in the night
choked back, concealed
and children taught to kill.

We're told a peek loosed all evils
yet one remained confined.
With Elpis* tightly locked away
I'll strive to keep my boxes shut,
for,
if I were to lift a lid,
there'd be no hope for me.

John Carré Buchanan
22 May 2016

* In Greek mythology Elpis was the personification and spirit of hope or expectation,

Demons Vs Love



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During the last couple of months I have been using a tricyclic antidepressant which has been shown to have an analgesic effect for some chronic pain sufferers. Unfortunately in my case the drug did not have the desired effect and changed my already dismal sleep pattern making me slip into sleep at irregular intervals both day and night.

The nocturnal snoozes became a real issue for me as I found that when I woke in pain I was incredibly difficult to gain control of harmful thoughts and prevent the inevitable slip into a dangerously depressive state.

During this period I spent most nights racked in pain, unable to sleep, fighting horrendous thoughts; thoughts I took to see as ‘demons’. Fortunately during the days I had the support of family and friends. This allowed be to recharge my emotional batteries sufficiently to survive the following night.

This poem aims to describe my feelings during this period and also show the importance of both faith and love in the healing process. I dedicate it to my Family and Friends who have had and continue to have, my back since this ordeal began.

Demons Vs Love

Curtains have closed,
teeth have been brushed,
Goodnight kisses shared.
The house falls quiet,
now it’s time:
demon time.

Now there are no distractions.
one mind stands alone
protected by thought.
Demons rage wildly;
fuelled by pain
and a burning desire for freedom.

Rational thought crumbles
as demons swarm over it.
Anger, grief, guilt, loss, despair;
they’re all there like rats and they
scurry and gnaw at the fabric
of the thought shield.

Counterpoint after counterpoint
are rebuffed and defeated.
The organised mind is shredded.
Every tear produces new edges
which cut and grate the soul
until it begs for release.

Night after sleepless Night
the exhausted mind
struggles to repel demons.
Day after day
cracks in the shield
are repaired by their love.

John Carré Buchanan
31 May 2012